Marie Kondo
Netflix

Being Marie Kondo is exhausting

The Marie Kondo craze is sweeping the world after her show “Tidying Up” premiered on Netflix. The show features Marie Kondo going into people’s homes and throwing away stuff they don’t need and organizing items they do need in the most efficient way. From watching the show, it seems exhausting enough but worth it. Decluttering and living the KonMari life seems to have many benefits including having more space in your home. The problem is, like a diet, you got to maintain it. And for anyone that has gone on a diet, you know how hard it can be.

But to Marie Kondo, this is her life. She practices what she preaches and I’m sure you won’t find dirt in her pristine home. Me, I can’t do it even though I don’t have much stuff. I’m a minimalist but even keeping my bed tidy annoys me. So when I read some of Marie Kondo’s rituals to keep her house from turning into a sewer, I can’t help but feel exhausted. People interviewed the lifestyle organizing queen and here are some of her everyday habits.

First, you want to change shoes to slippers when you get home. “When I come home at the end of the day, I wipe the soles of shoes with gratitude before storing them in the closet near the entryway of my home. I then change into my house slippers,” she said.

This one isn’t a problem because it’s reasonable enough. I definitely should show my shoes gratitude for protecting my feet from being stabbed by a dirty syringe while I walk these streets. The only problem is the whole wiping the soles of the shoes. I don’t want to deal with the dirt or dog s**t that’s stuck in the ridges. But if Fat Joe can do it, I can too.

Second is keep pouches in your purse. “I store items vertically in my handbag, so I can see everything and so the items are easily accessible. I like to use individual pouches – with patterns, colors and fabrics that spark joy! – to help keep things organized in my purse,” she said.

I’m not a woman so I don’t know much about purses even though I have been looking into getting a nice snazzy man purse. Nevertheless, I have a girlfriend who drives me nuts every time she has to find something in that abyss she calls a purse. So I’m going to say this isn’t bad as long as I don’t get involved with any of it.

Third is to organize the fridge. “I use boxes to sort items and stand everything vertically in my refrigerator. I even use boxes inside the shelving on the refrigerator doors to keep condiments and sauces separated.”

This one annoys me because I just can’t get behind putting boxes in the fridge when all I have is leftover pizza and condiments. And it isn’t condiments from the market but rather condiments from fast food joints. But this looks like a total waste to me and not worth the millisecond that it’ll help me every time I open the fridge. Some of you are probably saying that those milliseconds add up over a lifetime. And I can’t argue with that, but the time it takes to organize the products in the fridge in the first place negates any net positive.

The last advice Marie Kondo gave People is to put away your shampoo. “I do not keep my shampoo bottles in the shower or bathtub; I wipe them down and make sure they’re completely dry after use, returning them to their home in a basket under the sink,” she said. “This makes cleaning the bathroom easier and prevents the buildup of mildew.”

This is pretty insane to me. When I exit a shower, I want to get out, towel off, and get dressed. Double quick if it’s in the winter. This whole moving the shampoo under the sink thing just won’t work for me cause I can’t imagine the horror of taking a shower and realizing the shampoo is under the sink. Now I got to step out of my warm shower and run naked free willy to grab some shampoo. And most likely I got to do this every day because I shower every day. It’s a miserable way to start the morning. Also who cares about mildew, it gives your bathroom some character.

These four habits of Marie Kondo are not too bad, but most likely exhausting when applied every day. Furthermore, add that to her already rigorous military organizational lifestyle and it does not seem to be worth it. But I got to respect a person who has that kind of discipline. She once missed a plane because she got to busy cleaning her house. Actually, it makes me feel bad that I’m such a slob with no desire to better myself while she’s making millions, while I’m writing this nonsense. Jealousy is such a b***h. So here’s a video of Marie Kondo being happy and saying hi to everyone and sparking joy.

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